Marriage Matters: Feelings vs. True Love. So much of our lives are based on how we FEEL about things, but feelings are a shaky foundation for a marriage. The number one reason people get married is feelings. The number one reason people get divorced is feelings (bad feelings or lack of feelings). If we can’t trust our feelings, what do we base our marriage on?
One month after I looked into my new bride’s eyes and said, “Carol, I do… till death do us part,” I stood in our apartment kitchen in a degrading ugly fight with Carol. One month after my wedding day, where I felt like our love would last forever, I stood in that kitchen feeling so angry and bitter and I didn’t dare say it out loud. But, I sure was thinking it, “All my feelings for Carol are gone.” After one month. Gone.
Two years later we talked about that fight where we were both yelling out loud at each other, one month into our marriage, and Carol admitted to me something I did not know. As we stood fighting in our apartment she was thinking one overwhelming thought, “All of my feelings for Brett are gone.”
Now, twenty five years later, we are convinced that God took away our feelings that first month and said, “Okay, let’s start working on something different now. Let’s start working on True Love.” True Love has nothing to do with feelings. Nothing. True Love isn’t a feeling; it’s much, much deeper than that. True love is based on commitment. Carol’s and my marriage is now based on a commitment to love and cherish each other no matter how we feel. This has not been easy. We are complete opposites and we can both be very stubborn. We don’t always feel like getting along.
Simply put, our feelings come and go, so we need to build our marriage on commitment (True Love) so that we will stand the test of time and stand firm through the many storms and trials that we face. Pray together with your spouse and ask God to help you start building your marriage on True Love, a love that goes beyond your feelings and is based on a commitment that will last…until death do you part.
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